SEPTEMBER 17, 2024 – MOMMY and ME – BLOG # 022 – SYLVIA TO THE RESCUE

As Mommy grew more dependent, the hours that Mary and I spent with Mommy became longer and longer. Mary arrived in the morning to wake Mommy, prepare her breakfast, dress her and get her going for the day. By the time I would arrive, she’d be sitting at the kitchen table finishing up. I'd come over to start teasing her, raising her spirit and getting her to laugh, or even to start her  "fussing at me" routine. There were times though, Mary would call me a bit earlier to let me know to come over earlier. “Come and see Mommy” she would say. It was when she asked about me and just wanted to see my face. I know that it meant that she specifically asked where I was or that she felt anxious about something. We knew that it was a time that Mommy wanted to just see me or nor that I was near.

Mary was overwhelmed as she spent many hours in any day with Mommy, leaving Mommy’s house in the evenings. Mary would then return at 3:00 AM to further assist her, only to return that same morning to wake her. It was time to get her some help. Mary and I were in agreement that an additional caregiver was necessary at that point. And so it will be.

 

I turned to my little brother for some help with this. Fortunately, he was acquainted with a reliable, responsible and gentle person that has experience to assist Mary with Mommy. After being interviewed by Mary and I, “Sylvia” was given the nod. Mommy instantly took to Sylvia and they became trusting right off the bat. As Mary coached Sylvia, I felt that I made the right move in adding Sylvia. She was a sweetheart and it surely gave Mary the relief she needed and most of all, it gave Mommy around the clock care that she needed. Yeah, it was SYLVIA TO THE RESCUE.

 July 30, 2024 - MOMMY and ME – BLOG # 021– MOMMY AND MARY GOT ME THIS TIME

 Her caregiver, “Mary,” (whom I refer to as our Angel – see Blog #008, dated April 8, 2008) shared lots of good times and not so good times with us. Without Mary, I believe that Mommy would not have lived as long as she did.  Mary sustained Mommy’s existence. As a son, the scope of my caring for Mommy was limited. But by God’s grace, Mary was referred to me by a good friend. She and Mommy hit it off right away, becoming an item . . . where there’s Mommy, there was Mary.  

 

I recall it being late morning or early afternoon when it was time to test Mommy’s in-home security system. It was the one designed to monitor Mommy’s activity in her home, where assistance was a push button away. Once a month, we were to test the system by having Mommy do a mock call for assistance. So, I came over and called the system and initiated the test call. The operator answered, stating “Hello Ms. Gertrude . . . are you OK?” As Mommy sat at the kitchen table and Mary was standing peering out the kitchen window, Mommy replied, “Who is that calling my name?”  I stated, “Mommy that’s the security lady . . . we’re testing the system just like we do each month . . . talk to her.”  Realizing that Mommy seemed confused, she stated again, “Hi Ms. Getrude, how are you doing?”

 

Mommy – “Who’s that calling my name?”

 

Me – “Mommy it’s the security lady . . . we’re testing the system so come on, play along.”

 

Security Lady – “Hello Ms. Gertrude.”

Mommy – “Who is that calling my name?’’

 

I felt myself becoming a bit frustrated, noticing a peculiar look on Mommy’s face. I think I saw Mary sort of turn sideways from me, looking out of the kitchen window not saying anything. Mommy again did not cooperate with the security lady at all. By now, I’m just not understanding what Mommy is doing and I’m losing it. It’s a rather serious thing to test the security system and have everything in working order, just in case. We finally completed the call, and the test was over. Mary was on edge a bit, but Mommy (who really could keep a straight face if she wanted to) held it just long enough. I remember, even as a little boy, how she fooled me sometimes in the same way.

Mommy and Mary knew me that way and decided to mess with me that day. I can’t remember the security lady’s reaction(s). Mind you, it took me several years to realize that Mommy and Mary were just playing a game with me, they were having a ball! I was, just like always, almost blown out as to why Mommy was foiling the test on purpose. Little did I know that Mommy, and Mary too (I think) decided to mess with “Guy.” I never talked to Mary about the prank, but it was a good one, they got me good.

Mary became family to Mommy and me. Doctor’s visits, shopping, church . . . it didn’t matter, Mary was Mommy’s sidekick; they were inseparable. With no one else to depend on, Mary and I forged on to keep Mommy happy and to keep that great smile that she always had on her face. BUT THEY GOT ME THIS TIME.

July 7, 2024 – MOMMY and ME – BLOG # 0020 – RUNNING INTO AN OLD COLLEAGUE AT THE PARTY

Mommy had settled into her new home already and became really comfortable.  Mary had not yet come on the scene and Mommy was getting around pretty well. It was May and our flowers were planted, and the grass was looking really nice. We liked to wander around in our connected yards as Mommy pointed out little things that she didn’t like to look at . . . like that “ole shed,” she called it. It was an old metal shed that I patched together, surrounded by ground foliage. She wanted me to get rid of it, but I thought that it gave the yard a bit of character.

As we wandered, I suddenly came up with a great idea . . . a backyard birthday party on her 90^TH birthday, July 7. I’d invite the seniors’ organizations from the church and the Beechwood Center. No cooking or fussing with food but catering the whole thing instead. As the time came closer, my cousin Nancy would come to town from Chattanooga to help. I hired a friend’s catering company for the food and a tent company for a large tent in the yard for shade.

 

The weather was just right, and Mommy felt well. The sun was warm, and the large tent was just in time. Nancy handled games with most of the seniors from the church which was a lot of fun. The food was great, and Mommy’s Fellowship members were really happy for her.

There was one gentleman that was in attendance that both Mommy and I hadn’t seen in many years. He was one of my mentors that helped mold me and several other boys by way of an organization called the “Cub Scouts.” He was my “Den Dad”, Mr. Patton. He was the father of a good friend, a high school partner of mine who was in the Cub Scouts with me. He and Mommy (who was our “Den Mother”), were our leaders of Den #2, Wolf Pack 1556. Mommy hadn’t seen Mr. Patton in a long time, and it was the most pleasant reunion EVER. It was one of those times that Mommy just gleamed, smiling from ear to ear. Mommy didn’t notice Mr. Patton was there at first. I watched as Mommy mingled and finally ran into him at the party. I snapped the picture as they stood and reminisced. It was a good time for Mommy.

June 22, 2024 - MOMMY and ME – BLOG # 019 – I COULDN’T TELL THAT SHE EVER STOPPED

It was an evening when Mary, Mommy and I had finished dinner and we sat at the dinner table talking and joking. Mommy’s memory had already begun to falter a bit sometimes. She was past the stage of repeating herself and into just plain forgetting important things. Mommy got up to go to the bathroom when Mary and I briefly exchanged ideas to get Mommy busy doing something that she hadn’t done in a while. Mommy's dementia was progressing. Mary and I understood the importance of keeping Mommy's mind active and we were always looking for ways to do that. Mommy had already shared with Mary her love for sewing. She talked about her love for quilting. I wonder if her granddaughters knew that she intended to make each of then a quilt that she hoped they’d keep for a lifetime?

We had an “ah ha” moment . . . let's break out her sewing machine. Mind you, this was not a typical sewing machine. It was a “Singer,” I don’t know, maybe a 1940s model. However, Mommy refused to replace it. I remember as a little kid, she didn’t like anyone near this apparatus. . . She kept it covered in the basement and pushed well out of the way. I recall a repairman coming to the house on a couple of occasions to do repairs to it. I truly believe that no one ever sat and worked on the machine but her, and that’s why I preserved it.

I walked to her spare bedroom where it sat, covered with a blanket. Mommy caught me out of the corner of her eye as I struggled, carrying it into the kitchen area. I distinctly remember hearing her say . . . “What you gonna do with that boy?” Mary chuckled and chimed right in . . . “Miss Gertrude, don’t you want to do some sewing?” After she stopped and stared me down for a few seconds, Mommy scooted her chair over to that machine and got serious with it. I remember her grabbing the top as I raised it, because it was heavy. (The old-fashioned machine folded up and out of the cabinet it was in as the top flipped over to form a desk). Without another word, Mommy just went to work, setting up the “bobbin” and other workings of the machine, getting ready to take up where she left off. I was running late for an appointment that I had to make, so I had to leave Mommy and Mary. But the delight was to see Mommy light up and do something that she cherished all of her life. It's almost like you COULDN’T TELL THAT SHE EVER STOPPED sewing.

May 21, 2024 – MOMMY & ME - BLOG #0018 – COMING OFF THE STAGE

When I left her that warm summer evening, I sensed that there may be an issue with the heat. I always visited Mommy before I left the house, on my way to a gig. On this particular night, it was a Big Band gig at Baker’s Keyboard with “Ben’s Friends” about five miles away. I asked a good friend of mine, Sandy (whom Mommy often referred to as family), to call Mommy and check on her as the evening grew. It was about 10:00 pm or so while we were on the bandstand, when my phone began to ring. I finally looked at my phone between songs and it was Sandy.

As a sinking feeling hit me, I answered to hear her tell me to “Get home now…Mommy isn’t sounding right.” I whispered to Stan, sitting next to me on the bandstand, that I had to go as I reached for my gear behind my chair, packing up in seconds. I called Mommy while running down Eight Mile Road and yes, she was slurring her words and just not making sense. She was suffering from heat exhaustion.  Sandy met me as I arrived at Mommy’s. Mommy sat alone in the dining room, looking confused as she tried to smile and welcome Sandy and I as visitors. We immediately cooled her down with water and a fan. In a few minutes, Mommy began to recover, and Sandy got her going, joking with her, and starting with their “hey girl” routine. You really should have seen those two go at it.

When I moved Mommy into the house next door to me, it was without central air. I had planned to purchase and install window air conditioners later in the summer. However, I went out the next day, purchased them and installed them. That surely wouldn’t happen again to Mommy.

She had a custom installed air conditioner in both halves of her house…which she just UNPLUGGED when she wanted to turn them off and on.

Mommy immediately became very fond of Sandy upon meeting her months before. She was the perfect “gal pal” for Mommy. She uplifted Mommy and what a good time they would have. They laughed and cut up all the time. Most of the time, they laughed and talked about me. I remember seeing her car in front of Mommy’s house often, but they would talk about me so badly when I came over, I’d just leave. It was all in fun, to keep Mommy smiling. RIP Cassandra “Sandy” Munn

MAY 12, 2024 - MOMMY AND ME BLOG # 17 - I PEEPED THE LITTLE GIRL IN HER

I sat at home last week, watching a documentary about situations and events that tend to bring to life, the excitement in the elderly, sending their minds to an exciting place, a youthful place. During the last 7-8 years of her life, I watched Mommy develop a daily routine that seemed to satisfy her just fine. I always tried to interrupt that routine though, just to keep her thinking, imagining and looking forward to something.

It was around the end of June, 2004 or 05, when our flowers were in full bloom and our grass was like a blanket across both yards. It was just the right time to get her active doing something in the yard. I bought this croquet set, a game that’s played by striking a wooden ball with a wooden mallet, through wire hoops that are placed in the grass in an open space. On a sunny day, as she sat in the yard in the shade, I went and got the colorful game and began sitting the game up. She sat there and watched me trying to hit the wooden ball through several of the wire hoops. I’m wondering why she isn’t saying anything or coming to join me, so I walked over to her and tried to hand her the mallet. Then I saw that she was turning her head away with this big grin on her face with tears rolling down her face. She finally just laughed out loud which somewhat a relief. When Mommy is having a good hearty laugh, she sometime looks as though she is crying at the same time. But to hear her laugh, always a delights me. Come to find out, she was laughing at me the whole time I was trying to hit the ball through the wire hoops like I was trying to hit a golf ball . . . totally the wrong way. She finally got herself together and said “you don’t know how to play that game boy.” What happened next amazed. Mommy got up from her seat like she had absolutely no knee pain or nothing, grabbed my crocket mallet and walked over to one of the balls in the yard and positioned herself on the ball the ‘correct’ way and began to hit the ball through several of the hoops with no problem. Then, it got to be super fun to her as she got progressively into the game. Just like a little girl, she began to giggle and cheer herself on as though it was a championship croquet match. She actually hit the ball through the hoops with no trouble at all, giggling laughing the entire time. Mommy was good at this game! She hit her ball, walked and hit it again with not trouble at all. Mommy was just like a little girl . . . giggling and laughing and just having fun playing “croquet.” We had a good time.

I guess it was just one of those times that something touched her, sending her back to childhood maybe. I will never, ever forget that day outside, when Mommy and Me had one of our greatest times together, playing crocket in our yard. “I Peeped The Little Girl” in Mommy that day. 

DECEMBER 20, 2011 – MOMMY & ME BLOG # 16 – A TIME THAT I MISS HER THE MOST

I was walking through the grocery store a couple a days ago, picking up some items that I routinely want to put in the fridge and pantry. Families were shopping for Christmas dinners and there were a couple of instances where the impatient Dads and Grand Dads were lingering behind Mom and the kids, hanging out in the grocery store for the first time in a while.

As I wondered along, I recalled the times that Mommy and I would go grocery shopping together. Many times the fruit and vegetable items were the first to be encountered as you enter the store. I would get Mommy her own cart so that she could take her time to squeeze the melons, pick out her green beans, smell the tomatoes and fuss over the greens that were rarely “fresh” enough for her. She would have a good time in the fruit and vegetable section while I sped around the store and picked up all the food items that I knew she wanted. I’d catch her in the dairy section every time, when I’d let her know that I have everything she wanted. It never failed, Mommy would call herself looking through my cart to make sure. She would always ask, “How do you know what I want?” Many times when she felt in high spirits, I could coax her into a mock confrontation and everyone around would have a good laugh. Mommy would laugh so hard; many times she’d tire herself and have to nap when we returned home.

“Anyway,” (as Mommy would say), while I walked along among the other shoppers with these funny memories of Mommy in my head, I picked up a couple of canned goods that I knew Mommy would like. I took a few steps before I realized what I had done, when all it took was a conscious memory of Mommy.

It’s always this time of year when I miss her most. I remember her as always smiling around this time of year. She wanted to attend every senior function and church activity to comfort others. She wanted to make others smile. We would attend as many functions as we could. There was just something about Mommy around Christmas. She even fussed at me more around Christmas. I guess that’s why it’s A TIME THAT I MISS HER THE MOST.

A BEAUTIFUL, CLOSE FRIEND GAVE ME THESE WORDS WHEN MOMMY LEFT, NOVEMBER 7, 2007. I KEEP IT IN MY OFFICE, HANGING WHERE I CAN SEE IT EVERY DAY. I THOUGHT THAT I WOULD SHARE IT WITH YOU.