DECEMBER 20, 2011 – MOMMY & ME BLOG # 16 – A TIME THAT I MISS HER THE MOST

I was walking through the grocery store a couple a days ago, picking up some items that I routinely want to put in the fridge and pantry. Families were shopping for Christmas dinners and there were a couple of instances where the impatient Dads and Grand Dads were lingering behind Mom and the kids, hanging out in the grocery store for the first time in a while.

As I wondered along, I recalled the times that Mommy and I would go grocery shopping together. Many times the fruit and vegetable items were the first to be encountered as you enter the store. I would get Mommy her own cart so that she could take her time to squeeze the melons, pick out her green beans, smell the tomatoes and fuss over the greens that were rarely “fresh” enough for her. She would have a good time in the fruit and vegetable section while I sped around the store and picked up all the food items that I knew she wanted. I’d catch her in the dairy section every time, when I’d let her know that I have everything she wanted. It never failed, Mommy would call herself looking through my cart to make sure. She would always ask, “How do you know what I want?” Many times when she felt in high spirits, I could coax her into a mock confrontation and everyone around would have a good laugh. Mommy would laugh so hard; many times she’d tire herself and have to nap when we returned home.

“Anyway,” (as Mommy would say), while I walked along among the other shoppers with these funny memories of Mommy in my head, I picked up a couple of canned goods that I knew Mommy would like. I took a few steps before I realized what I had done, when all it took was a conscious memory of Mommy.

It’s always this time of year when I miss her most. I remember her as always smiling around this time of year. She wanted to attend every senior function and church activity to comfort others. She wanted to make others smile. We would attend as many functions as we could. There was just something about Mommy around Christmas. She even fussed at me more around Christmas. I guess that’s why it’s A TIME THAT I MISS HER THE MOST.

A BEAUTIFUL, CLOSE FRIEND GAVE ME THESE WORDS WHEN MOMMY LEFT, NOVEMBER 7, 2007. I KEEP IT IN MY OFFICE, HANGING WHERE I CAN SEE IT EVERY DAY. I THOUGHT THAT I WOULD SHARE IT WITH YOU.

The Gertrude Hoggatt-McAlister Scholarship Fund AT WORK

This past summer, the Gertrude Hoggatt-McAlister Scholarship Fund funded the participation of four talented youngsters at the BEVERLY THOMAS ARTS INSTUTUTE. Alana Hughes, Kory Russell, Keith Day Jr. and Bria Baker, all members of St. John A.M.E. Church in River Rouge Michigan, attended a week long instruction period at Camp Baber in Western Michigan. They received intense musical ad creative writing instruction that was designed for serious students of the fine arts. The entire week ended with a melodious outdoor recital, in which each St. John student shined with an exceptional performance.

As the administrator of my Mother's Scholarship Fund, I was excited that it helping these youngsters. I've met them and they are all exceptional. I could see her smiling right now as I type, with her hands folded in front of her, about waist high, nodding her head in approval, with nothiing else to say other than "that's nice, that's nice."

DECEMBER 1, 2009 – MOMMY and ME BLOG # 14 – WE MISSED THE BALL DROP THIS TIME

I'm not quite sure what year it was, 00, 01, 02? Anyway, as an adult, I can't remember a memorable time when I "went out" to bring in the new year.. Years ago, it was the thing to do . . .getting together with a group of people and joining in on the who could show the most enthusiasm about how the upcoming year is going to be better for you and for me . . . and downing a bottle of champagne or “Hennessy” by themselves, etc., etc., etc. I can count on half-a-hand the times I had a gig on New Years eve.

But I do certainly remember since the early 80s, spending new year eves with Mommy. It was always a time that we would have something to eat (spagetti or chilli) and watch "Dick Clark" in New York counting down the last seconds of the year. But a couple of times between 2000 and 2002, I did have to play a couple of gigs. So . . . what the heck, I took Mommy with me. But one time stands out in my mind. Mommy and Me and a friend, took to the streets that New Years eve and Mommy partied heavy! Mommy ate, gave advice, danced . . . ate, gave advice dance . . . and ate, gave advice and danced some more. My friend “Lorna” supervised when I was on stage, but on the breaks, me and Mommy boogied, boogied and boogied some more. She had the greatest time!

We danced and laughed and just had fun. For Mommy, I think that it was a welcomed change from staying home and watching television. I think that she remembered it and treasured the time she spent laughing and dancing with me. We spent a time together that was different. Yep, Dick Clark didn’t see us sitting around, WE MISSED THE BALL DROP THIS TIME.

JULY 8, 2008 – MOMMY and ME BLOG # 13 – HOW KIND SHE WAS

JULY 8, 2008 – MOMMY and ME BLOG # 13 – HOW KIND SHE WAS

Yesterday was my Mother’s birthday. Mommy would have been 97 years old. I went to visit her yesterday afternoon and as I sat there, I began to think about a conversation that I had with my little brother Kermit, about Mommy. I believe I remember us talking about HOW KIND SHE WAS. During the conversation, he reflected on a time when he consistently observed Mommy to have and stay evenly balanced when it came to being kind to people.

As I sat by Mommy yesterday, thoughts of Mommy’s softness just began to spill out at me. I began to recall certain mannerisms that she had and expressions I saw on her face as she performed acts of kindness. She was never aggressive or over baring, but rather passive in fact. An example of it is, when someone was grieving, Mommy would just patiently stand by until she could take advantage of a moment with that person, just a moment, to say just a little something that would make all the difference. I could see her now. Just standing in the back ground, gradually making her way forward with her hands clasped together, about waist high . . . that was her normal stance while committing an act of kindness . . . I’ve seen her do it hundreds of times.

MAY 28 2008 - MOMMY and ME – BLOG # 012– THAT REMINDS ME OF MOMMY

Often, I sat out in the back yards (“yards” because me and Mommy’s back yards are like one, without a fence) and just enjoy a cigar with the evening air. Today as I sat there, I just began to see things THAT REMIND ME OF MOMMY. Many times we just hung out in the yard together and she’d always look around and began to comment on the pretty things and the things and the things that I liked and the things that she disliked . . . the things she called “ugly.”

Of course, there was my shed made of rusting metal that set amongst a thick layer of ground covering plants, the one with lots of “character,” the one she called “ugly” or “that old ugly thing.” By it, was a tree, an attractive flowering tree, baring a branch that smacked me in my right eye causing a sever corneal contusion. The branch hit me when I was cleaning and clearing out the tall weeds and smaller trees that were in the back of the shed. Every time we set in the yard, she would complain about the long lagging branches on that tree. I decided to make her happy and trim the tree when the branch almost took out my eye. That’s the branch THAT REMINDS ME OF MOMMY.

There’s a bush in the rear of Mommy’s yard that you wouldn’t know is there until the fall. It’s about four and one half foot tall and about five feet wide. It turns a fiery red at the end of September and is noticed by every passerby. That’s when Mommy notices it too. She would insist that the tree was never there until that time of the year. She just wouldn’t believe that it has always been there, but she would surely notice it when it turned fiery red. She always insisted that I planted it there to surprise her. It’s just another thing in the yard THAT REMINDS ME OF MOMMY.

Speaking of “ugly,” this wheel barrel is ugly. . . . so ugly that it’s a discussion piece. It’s a old wheel barrel that had to be manufactured around the end of World War I (the big one). I just saw it over in the corner of my yard setting in the thick ground cover. I put it there about four years ago after Mommy told me to get rid of it. But I planted some flowers (inpatients) in it and Mommy loved it. She thought that it was a clever thing to do. It’s just something else in our yard THAT REMINDS ME OF MOMMY.

MAY 13, 2008 – MOMMY and ME – BLOG # 011 – MOMMY’S 96TH BIRTHDAY PARTY . . . HER LAST ONE

Mary planned to make everyday a special day for Mommy. I’d walk into the house and there were vases of flowers everywhere, all of them different. There were roses on the kitchen table and . . . well different kinds everywhere. Mommy loved to set amongst them and just become part of them. Each day Mary would care for them, re-arrange them and rotate them to different rooms to bring a fresh view each time.

It wasn’t any different on July 7, 2007. Mommy turned 96 years young this day and Mary and me planned to make this day an extra special one for Mommy. There was ice cream and a cake with a special message wishing Mommy a Happy Birthday. The house was filled with flowers and Mary and her assistant Sylvia, decorated the house with balloons and party favors. The curtain was set to go up for a joyous time.

Mary got Mommy up a bit earlier this day and got her dress for the gathering. My friend, Lisa and I arrived with the cake that showed a big “96” and “Happy Birthday.” We all surprised her and sang Happy Birthday to her as she just smiled and laughed and cried. Mommy had her “GEQ Jazz” cap on as the party began. Lisa and I took turns video taping Mommy. There is tons of video tape that I really haven’t looked at yet, but we all took a load of pictures as Mommy cut the cake and dipped ice cream.

She was surprise to see the living room decorated to the max . . . balloons, streamers and favors all over the place. Of course it’s always fun to watch Mommy when she feels like acting a little silly. Mommy really got a kick out of blowing on that whistling thing that jumps out and then rolls back up. She began to do a little dance using her wheeled walker. We have it all on tape and pictures of it all too.

When I think the times like this one, times when Mommy is happy and carefree, times when she is not burdened with anything, times when she is uninhibited and wants to talk (and order folks around), it makes me want to keep the good times coming just to see her smile , , , that smile, that smile.

I was on my lawn mower the other day for the first time this summer. It makes a lot of noise and it wakes Mommy up when I pass her bedroom window. It never failed, I’d give her about ten minutes to get up and I would look up at the window to see her. She’d be there waving and smiling. I miss her . . . I REALLY, REALLY MISS MOMMY.

APRIL 28, 2008 – MOMMY and ME BLOG # 010 – TO MAKE MOMMY LAUGH

I have always loved to hear Mommy laugh. I could remember when I was a little boy stalking around trying to hear what Mommy, Daddy and their friends where saying. When they had company or when we visited, Mommy seemed to be the one that had the best time, judging from the number of times she laughed. When she was laughing, I knew that she was happy . . . and I got use to that. On the phone talking to friends was always an interesting time to set and listen. When I was a teenager, I remember her sitting for hours on the telephone having those knee slapping, good ole hardy laughs that made me know everything was alright. If it was anything that I didn’t like, it was to see Mommy disturbed or sad about something. I could always tell, because I have those same three wrinkles on my brow that she had. When she was sad, they became much more prevalent. When I was in my teens, I remember her telling a long time friend of hers (Mrs. Gaines) that when I was about four years old, I would climb up into her lap and try to smooth them out with my fingers. The irony of it is, I remember doing that.

Most recently though, I would walk into Mommy’s front door and she and Mary would either be watching TV in the living room or Mommy would be having breakfast lunch or dinner in the kitchen. Either place, I’d take one look at Mommy and I could tell if she was in the mood to play and laugh. The test was to go play with her . . . maybe to ask for a bite of her food or get a fork and eat from her plate with her or tickle her ears, or one of my favorites, put my finger on her nose. If she was in the mood, she’d good right on eating with my finger on her nose just to signify that she was ignoring me. It wouldn’t take long . . . she’ll eventually “get tickled” and the laughing will start. But my real favorite was the foot tickling. Mommy would be all comfy in her chair and I would lift up the cover from her feet, remove her shoes and start to tickle them. She would just kick and giggle and laugh and we would have a good ole time.

Mommy’s laughter has always been something that I loved to hear. It was a sure fire way to tell how she felt and to know that everything was alright. TO MAKE MOMMY LAUGH was to make her happy.